Crisis of the Non-Connected

By Joe Hewitt
Copyright 1999 Joe Hewitt

Problems of 1999 are still with us.

Joy McInvale, PhD, a Licensed Professional Counselor, of Bedford, Texas, who counsels teenagers on a regular basis, identifies "Profiles of Troubled Youth."
These profiles included: (1) Kids raising themselves. (2) Loss of boundaries, values, which included difficulty differentiating between real and fantasy. (3) Emotional & spiritual abandonment. (4) Multimedia violence, including interactive videos such as Doom, Mortal Combat, and Quake.
Listening to Dr. McInvale speak at The Church Dealing with Random Violence Conference in Arlington, Texas, September 2, 1999, I noticed how many of these profiles involved kids not being connected with parents, community, or nation.
Dr. McInvale, also gave the "Characteristics of the Violent Teen." (1) Male. (Females are not exempt, but typically it is males.) (2) Lack of family & personal structure, usually involving missing fatherhood. (3) He is a loner, isolated, and self-absorbed, with the attitude of, "Society owes me," and is vindictive. (4) He has an inability to set or adhere to boundaries. (5) He has low self esteem. Convinced he will be rejected, he practices pre-emptive rejection; he rejects others before they have a chance to reject him. (6) He is characterized by vulnerability and fragility. He seeks validation. In any way possible he wants to demonstrate that he counts for something. (7) Before he becomes violent, change is usually involved, including change of habits, grades, or appearance. (8) He may have an overbalanced religiosity. (9) He has a heightened need to belong. (10) His parents place few limits on media, such as television, games, etc. (11) He has access to guns.
Notice how many of these characteristics involve "non-connectedness." How can a boy feel connected to a father who has abandoned him? A man doesn’t have to pack his bags and leave the house to abandon his son. A kid left to raise himself has been abandoned even if he and his father raid the same refrigerator for their meals. Dr. McInvale said many kids spend 220 minutes a day with the television and three minutes a day with Dad.
Also at the Arlington conference was Steve Lee, youth minister in a Littleton, Colorado, church. Fifteen of his church’s youth group were in the Colombine High School when two teenage gunmen went on a shooting rampage. Mr. Lee said, "Parents need to be more committed to the needs of their kids." Parents need to take time to talk, listen, and pray with their kids. "Be part of their world," he pleaded, and monitor the kinds of things that enter kids’ minds. He suggested also that parents show the right kind of example by what kinds of movies and television shows they watch.
Another speaker at the conference was Joe Williams, FBI Chaplain at Oklahoma City who ministered to families of bombing victims. Speaking of the bombers, he said, "We missed the perpetrators when they were little boys."
The bombers indeed were examples of the non-connected. They were not connected to the human family, to the community or their country. Their attack on the federal building was even more cold-blooded than an airplane or missile sent from an enemy nation to kill Americans.
I believe we have a responsibility to try to help non-connected teens. We need to include them in youth groups and activities. Troubled, unconnected kids need to know there are people who really do care about them. Especially they need to know that God cares about them.
David, King of Israel, about whom much is written in the Old Testament, was a good man with good intentions, but he neglected his sons. One son, Amnon, raped his half-sister, Tamar. Her full brother, Absalom, murdered Amnon. Absalom raised an army and rebelled against his father, and died in the following battle.
David was too busy being king to be close to his sons. They weren’t connected to him or each other. A wise woman who tried to get him closer to his sons said, "Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him"---II Samuel 14:14 NIV.
Too many kids are emotionally estranged from parents, community, and God. We can’t individually solve the whole problem, but we can help, one kid at a time. God has devised ways.
----------------------------------------
Joe B. Hewitt served Dallas area churches as pastor for 39 years. He retired in 2001 and was trained as a mediator. He is now a professional mediator, settling cases in county and district courts in Dallas and contiguous counties. For more information, www.joebhewittmediator.com.